Hope for the Dense Husband: Your Selfishness Can Work for You - by Jim Elliff
Okay men, we are to love our wives. Most of us do. At least we say we do.

But, the bar for that love to our wives is set so high—so aggravatingly high. Wives, have sympathy for us. God requires us to love you as Christ loved the church! Who can do that?
Notice that the apostle Paul, the author of these words above, tells us to "love" (present tense) as Christ "loved" (past tense). He points first, not to Christ's ongoing love for the true church, but back to His supreme sacrificial act of dying for her. We are to love like that. Impossible!
Certainly, there has never been an act of love to this degree in the history of mankind. The cross was that act of love which presents the Bride, His church, blameless before God, "without spot or wrinkle, or any such thing." It washed and pardoned His church once-for-all, so that all believers will be received into God's eternal world.
We can't accomplish what Christ did when He died. But we are to love our wives in the same way that Christ did—by sacrificing for them. That's the point.
Need Motivation?
So, are we men to live in disappointing failure all our lives, constantly falling short of true biblical love for our wives? Who can consistently love like Jesus did when He died? I've often been so disappointed at the inadequate love I exhibit that I can hardly hold my head up. If you are like me, you need motivation.
Merely acknowledging that Christ's sacrificial act of love is our standard will not provide sufficient motivation to love our wives as we should. It may help us for a day or two, but God knows we need more. Thankfully, He has something to say that will make sacrificial love almost unavoidable. How would you like to fulfill your responsibility as a husband to love sacrificially because you want to, not because you to?
Read his logic:
So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of Christ. (vs. 28-30)
Here is the way it works: He states that Christ'songoing love for the church is due to the fact that the church has been made His own body. As Christians, we are "members" of Christ—that is, we are His hands, feet, ears, nose, and big toe. For Christ to love us is for Christ to love His own body. His love for Himself is the reason for His unselfish love for you.
Like Christ who lovingly cares for his spiritual Body, the church, we naturally care for our physical body! When we tenderly treat that painful hangnail, we are a living illustration of this astounding truth.
So what does all this have to do with loving our wives?
Simple: Our wife is also our own body, according to the Genesis passage Paul cites in his appeal. He concludes, "He who loves His own wife loves himself."
In fact, the more you love yourself, the more you love her! This principle turns selfishness into love! Because we're experts at loving ourselves, I'm confident that even the worst of us can do this!
Men, God has put the cookies down on the table where we can reach them now. Any old slug who can love himself, can love his wife sacrificially. When you are tempted to demean your wife, or dismiss her needs, say, "I'm doing this to myself!" If our perspective is right, our love will be right!
But, the minute you forget that, you will be the same old creep you've always been.
Copyright © 2008 Jim Elliff
Permission granted for reproduction in exact form, including web address. All other uses require written permission
www.CCWtoday.org
Doing Deuteronomy
What to Look for in a Spouse
- She is not only saved but truly loves the Lord and is committed to Him and His Word (Mark 12:30).
- She is morally pure and lives a life of high moral standards. She is a woman of character (1 Thess. 4:3-7).
- She lives in harmony with authority, i.e. parents, church, government (Eph. 6:1-2; 1 Peter 2:13-19).
- She accepts herself as best evidenced by a meek and quiet spirit. She doesn't make physical things her focus - clothes, makeup, etc. (1 Peter 3:1-6).
- She loves her parents, especially her dad. If her parents are divorced or she has been wronged deeply, she forgives and honors them (Eph. 6:1-3).
- She has a purpose in life that includes a high priority on being a wife and mother and homemaker (Titus 2:4-5).
- She is fun and light-hearted, and yet can be serious when the occasion calls for it (Prov. 17:22; Titus 2:4).
- He is not only saved but he truly loves the Lord and is committed to Him and His Word (Mark 12:30).
- He is morally pure and lives a life of high moral standards. He is a man of character (1 Thess. 4:3-7).
- He lives in harmony with authority, i.e. parents, church, government (Eph. 6:1-2; 1 Pet. 2:13-19).
- He accepts himself as best evidenced by a humble and contrite heart. He is temperate and not given to anger (Matt. 11:29; Prov. 22:24; James 1:19).
- He loves his parents, especially his mother. If his parents are divorced or he has been wronged deeply, he forgives and honors them (Eph. 6:1-3).
- He has purpose in life that includes a high priority on spiritual leadership. He loves children (Eph. 5:24-29; Eph. 6:4).
- He is honest and self-denying. He cares deeply about the feelings of those he is responsible for (Luke 9:23).
Justification and Christian Joy
Family Harmony
Election Day Encouragement
which cannot be moved, but abides forever.
2As the mountains surround Jerusalem,
so the LORD surrounds his people,
from this time forth and forevermore.
3For the scepter of wickedness shall not rest
on the land allotted to the righteous,
lest the righteous stretch out
their hands to do wrong.
4 Do good, O LORD, to those who are good,
and to those who are upright in their hearts!
5But those who turn aside to their crooked ways
the LORD will lead away with evildoers!
Peace be upon Israel!
Halloween: Hallowed or Harmful?
Abortion: More Than a Political Issue
Avoiding the Sunday Morning Meltdown
Beware of Study Bibles
Beware of Study Bibles
| Author: Steve Burchett | |
I like resources that help me understand the Bible. My collection of commentaries grows yearly. The amount of books I own addressing various areas of theology numbers in the hundreds. There are a couple of websites that I visit regularly where numerous Bible study tools are offered. I also own four "Study Bibles," which include not only the biblical text, but introductions However, every good gift from God can be abused. Of all the study tools, perhaps in our day the Study Bible is the resource that is most often misused. For example, many who have taught the Bible have felt the frustration when, instead of meditating on the passage of Scripture being taught, several in the group were busy reading and then sharing from the study notes at the bottom of the page! Perhaps some might respond, "But at least these people are trying to understand what the Scriptures say." Indeed, their motives may be pure, but excessive reliance on study notes actually removes them from what a Study Bible intends to promote: The study of the Bible! James tells us to receive and live out the Word of God (James 1:21-22), not what somebody else says about the Bible. The Lord has given the church teachers (Ephesians 4:11), but we should follow the example of the Bereans who not only listened eagerly to Paul's preaching, but were known for "examining the Scriptures daily to see whether these things were so" (emphasis mine). Maybe you are not convinced that you can really understand Scripture apart from the significant aid of others. Perhaps you have been led astray by certain preachers or writers who seem to imply that you have to be an expert in Hebrew or Greek (the original languages of the Old and New Testaments) in order to "really comprehend the Bible." Yes, a knowledge of the original languages is quite valuable, but it is not required. Peter does admit that "some things" in Paul's writings are hard to understand (2 Peter 3:16). Commentaries, Study Bibles, and conversations with other believers are a valuable tool when we come across these places in Scripture. But Peter didn't say everything is hard to understand! In fact, with a careful and contemplative reading of a verse or passage and its surrounding context, and with the help of the Holy Spirit (see 1 John 2:27), we can grasp what God is saying. Probably our larger struggle is living out what we clearly see. Does this mean you should throw away your Study Bible? No, but consider three ways to guard against misusing this tool:
Consider your Bible study methods: Do you spend more time focusing on the text of the Bible, or the words of non-inspired writers who are seeking to explain the Bible? When we are overly dependent on study notes, a subtle shift takes place from living "on every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God" (Matthew 4:4) to living "by the words of Bible teachers." As I write, I'm aware of another Study Bible soon to be unveiled. It has been endorsed by a large number of well-known pastors and ministry leaders, and it includes over 20,000 notes, over 50 articles, and over 200 color charts. I'll probably buy one. More, and even better, Study Bibles will surely follow. There is no doubt that they will shed much light on the text of Scripture. But we must beware: They may also distract us from the very thing they are intended to illuminate. Copyright © 2008 Steve Burchett Christian Communicators Worldwide, Inc. Permission granted for not-for-sale reproduction in unedited form including author's name, title, complete content, copyright and weblink. Other uses require written permission. www.CCWtoday.org | |
Every Life Is a Leaf
The Tightrope of Christian Parenting
Everything Looks Good, But. . .
Wasting Away Again in MatthewFletcher-ville
Beatitudes or Bad-Attitudes?
Blessed are those who are too tired, too busy, too distracted to spend
an hour once a week with their fellow Christians.
They are my best workers.
Blessed are those Christians who wait to be asked and expect to be thanked.
I can use them.
Blessed are those easily annoyed. With a bit of luck, they may stop going to church.
They are my missionaries.
Blessed are the troublemakers.
They shall be called my children.
Blessed are the complainers.
I'm all ears to them.
Blessed are they who are bored with the preacher's mannerisms and mistakes,
for they get nothing out of the sermon.
Blessed is the church member who expects to be invited to his own church,
for he is a part of the problem instead of the solution.
Blessed are they who gossip,
for they shall cause strife and divisions, which please me.
Blessed are they who are easily offended,
for they will soon get angry and quit.
Blessed are they who do not give their offering to carry on Gods work,
for they are my helpers.
Blessed is he who professes to love God, but hates his brother and sister,
for he shall be with me forever.
Blessed are you when you read this and think it applies to other people and not yourself.
I've got you.
Blessings!
Lucifer
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
In case you didn't know, the word beatitude comes from the Latin word beatus, which means "happy." The pathway to true joy and blessedness is Christ. He Himself is the way (John 14:6), and as we walk in His Spirit in accordance with His Word, we will take on His character.
God save us from the Bad-Attitudes and produce in us these Beatitudes, so that - as Jesus would go on to say - others will see our good works and glorify our Father in heaven.
Christian Communication
Christ and the Economy

"A picture is worth a thousand words." No doubt, we are in the midst of tough economic times. One Christian brother who has worked on Wall Street for decades, wrote this to me just yesterday:
[I] have seen many ups and downs, even a market crash in 1987, yet I'm seeing people more concerned than ever before.... Life savings in many cases have dwindled and people don't know what to do.... I believe the saints are getting caught up in worry about their finances, fear of tomorrow, concern about job losses and the like. It's time for those who call Jesus Lord to trust His Word, possibly like never before."
I couldn't agree more. The fact is, Christians are giving way to worry, and the statistics show it. Earlier this summer, the Dallas Business Journal reported, "Nearly half of Christian adults in the United States have reduced their charitable giving because of the economic downturn, according to a recent survey commissioned by Dunham & Co." The two main factors were the sharp rise in fuel and food costs, according to the survey. Forty-six percent of Christian adults surveyed indicated that they have reduced their giving to charity.
Contrast that strategy with the one employed by the impoverished Macedonian churches in Paul's day:
And now, brothers, we want you to know about the grace that God has given the Macedonia churches. Out of the most severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity. For I testify that they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability. Entirely on their own, they urgently pleaded with us for the privilege of sharing in this service to the saints. And they did not do as we expected, but they gave themselves first to the Lord and then to us in keeping with God's will.
- 2 Corinthians 8:1-5
If I'm reading this correctly, it seems that the the poorer these people got, the more generous they became! How was this possible? Paul says it was "the grace that God" gave them. That was His part. And they, on their part, "gave themselves first to the Lord ... in keeping with God's will."
Now, keeping those two things in mind (God's part and their part), let's jump over to Jesus' words in Matthew 6:
No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.
Jesus' words require no amplification. They are crystal clear. The core issue is what matters most to us: God or money. If money matters most to us, we will live to make more of it ... we will worry when we don't have it ... we will derive our sense of security from it.
But if we value God more than money, we will adopt the mindset of the Macedonians. Having given ourselves first to the Lord, we will trust Him to provide for all our needs. This frees us to give above and beyond our own ability. Why? Because God gives His grace to those who give themselves to Him. People of faith trust God with their finances. They trust God with their future. And they prove this by their generous giving to the Lord's work.
Look again at what my Christian brother wrote: "It's time for those who call Jesus Lord to trust His Word, possibly like never before." Could it be that this economic crisis is a gift of God to His church? Could it be that this is a God-given opportunity to step out in faith and trust His Word like never before?
The natural tendency in all of us is to put giving off until we feel able to give. Such thinking keeps many from ever giving ... and from ever experiencing the power and provision of God. I encourage you to step out in faith by going before God and asking Him what He would have you to give on a consistent basis and with a joyful heart. I guarantee you that it will be more than you think you can afford. But that's where our faith meets God's grace. The result? An abundance of joy and liberality (2 Cor. 8:1).
I write this as the pastor of your church - Christ's church, really - "not because I seek the gift, but I seek the fruit that abounds to your account" (Phil. 4:17).
Radiating God's Glory
The witness of Jesus take their stand -
Twelve amazing men,
Their testimony spreads across their land.
Such a story told -
How can they believe
That God has walked upon the earth?
Could they be deceived?
But how their words persuade!
The truth is in their eyes!
And many hearts are won to faith
As they testify:
"We have seen God's glory!
We have lived and walked with Christ the King!
We have seen Him heal the wounded,
We have heard the brokenhearted sing.
We have seen God's glory!
We have seen Him dead and raised to life!
We will worship Him forever -
We have seen God's glory, Jesus Christ!"
Here we are again
The witnesses of Jesus take their stand
May it never end
Through us let God keep stretching out His hand
Reaching those who doubt
Touching those who cry
Lifting up the word of God
As we testify
Walking with our God
In such a living way
That when we share our faith in Him
We can truly say:
We have lived and walked with Christ the King!
We have seen Him heal the wounded,
We have heard the brokenhearted sing.
We have seen God's glory!
We have seen Him dead and raised to life!
We will worship Him forever -
We have seen God's glory, Jesus Christ!"
and outlines for each book of the Bible, notes that explain verses, maps, articles about major concepts, and a large concordance at the back. I have been strengthened by all of these resources, and I'm confident others could testify likewise.